Christmas is coming...

Christmas is just around the corner!!!!
yippers!!! Just a few more days of procrastination and then I don't need to feel so guilty about not studying anymore....

Thankful

I was listening to some of my great Christmas music today...this one came up and I probably listened to it 5 times on the way to school. It's a song with incredible lyrics that I wanted to share with you! So, if you have a couple minutes, relax and listen to one of my favorites and my first on my playlist. Enjoy :)

"Thankful" by Josh Groban

Somedays we forget to look around us
somedays we can't see the joy that surrounds us
so caught up inside ourselves
we take what we should give

so for tonight we pray for
what we know can be
and on this day we hope for
what we still can't see
it's up to us to be the change
and even though we all can still do more
there's so much to be thankful for

look beyond ourselves
there's so much sorrow
it's way to vague to say
i'll cry tomorrow
each of us must find our truth
it's so long overdue

so for tonight we pray for
what we know can be
and everyday we hope for
what we still can't see
it's up to us to be the change
and even though this world needs so much more
there's so much to be thankful for

even with our differences
there is a place we're all connected
each of us can find eachother's light

randomness

okay....topics to talk about....
We threw a surprise party for Kim today....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM!

And I think maybe we surprised her...well, actually not. But at least there were hundreds of balloons (only a product of many close to passing out moments), two awesome cakes, and a wonderful game of What If...
What if it were as cheap to go to the moon as to drive to the other side of the city? That was my question...interesting responses came from that, which is what's so great about that game :)
But I don't like keeping secrets from people, but I guess you kinda have to if you want to plan a surprise party. But there is always a sense of relief once everything is all in the open, your plan went through, and no more talking secretively behind closed doors...

And of course the dance parties...to Sexy Back, and multiple cheesy (yet awesome) old songs that I used to listen to when I was 12. Those are always fun.

ok, different topic.

Subway. I like working at Subway. Its always so interesting to see what kind of people come through, also interesting is all the different kinds of ways people treat you as "just" the sandwich artist. Okay, I personally like being a sandwich artist. I got $1 tip yesterday and that made me very happy. :) What's even better is when people actually acknowledge you, say thank-you, and are patient when maybe something goes wrong and they may have to wait a couple minutes for their sub. Its funny how quickly people can change their attitude towards you...in a matter of a minute they go from being friendly and smiling to impatient and annoyed. I've often wondered if they are very stressed out all the time - must be horrible. What ever happened to patience? But I've got to say that I've been quite impressed mostly by those who take extra time to say that they appreciate what you've done for them. Its nice and often one nice thing someone says to me gets me through the day. It's funny how you can make such a huge impression and make someone's day just by smiling (a real smile not a fake one) and saying thank-you...

I am listening to the music video for Brandon Heath's "Give me Your Eyes" - great song. All those people going somewhere...why have I never cared? Give me your arms for the brokenhearted...give me your love for humanity.
I wish I had more love. I wish I was more intuitive, had more knowledge, had more compassion. Its overwhelming to realize how much I have to work on and what I wish I could change about myself. All we can do is keep trying...say thank-you...look someone in the eyes and say hi...maybe often it is about the small things. We try too hard to 'change the world', when we often miss the small things we could do right around us.

Tomorrow is Monday...another day of learning about anatomy, issues in the environment, and how to care for the elderly of our society. I love older people...they have so much to offer - things we as younger people don't get to hear very much. Sometimes it seems like they are ignored in our society. We are so focused on young generations thriving, that we forget about the older ones who have already been through it and could add so much depth to life.

So, there are my random thoughts...very very random. I am going to stop now.

:)

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O God my Father. Give light to my darkness, before they see me fall..." Psalm 13
I wonder if these may be words that Brad thought before he took his life on Sunday night. We all hear news stories on tv, or read it in the paper about some horrible tragedy that happened. It suddenly becomes different when you find out that it was someone you knew. All I heard on Sunday afternoon was that 'someone' from Prov commited suicide...someone? It could be anyone, and as I've learned from past situations, it is often a person you'd least expect. It shocked me to hear that it had been Brad Toews. It shocked me because he WAS one that I would least expect this to happen to. He seemed so put together...so funny, outgoing, extraverted, and had lots of friends. What happened that inside he was broken down to the point of taking his own life? Its sad that in such a 'close' community like Prov (meaning people live close in proximity to eachother) it seems like it is often a place where I know many people feel very lonely...yet, you walk around and outwardly everyone looks so put together...so happy. This happens everywhere - feeling alone amidst hundreds of people. Are we scared to be truly vulnerable with one another? I think so...it's hard...it's hard to admit that you are broken if it seems like you are the only one. No one can ever assume anything about someone else - whether they are happy or sad, or content with life - because we NEVER really know. We don't know what is going on inside a person's head, and we have no idea what they think when they are alone. Why is it that so many of us put up this front that we are so confident when we know that we are not. Why is it so hard to let the walls come down? How come everyone one is so shocked that it was Brad? Probably it is because he seemed fine...well, maybe this is a wake up call that not everyone is as they appear to be. Did it take a situation like this to happen for us to wake up and change? Will anything change? For Brad's sake - and for others like Brad out there right now - I really hope so. There are no words to say about how sad this situation is. God, be with his parents, his sibilings, his friends...

I swam today! For the first time since I think January...how sad is that? I'm trying to gather up words to explain what it was like for me to be in that atmosphere again. The last time I jumped in that pool, was 4 years ago (rediculous how fast time flies, it feel like yesterday) - getting ready for olympic trials. My life was so different back then...stressful, a good amount of pressure on me...uggg..but more than the tough things, it was an incredible time of my life. This is why I can enter the swimming 'world' again and not have only negative thoughts (as some of my friends do who have quit as well). I am so thankful that I didn't end on only a bad note and that I can still enjoy swimming. I go through times where I am totally fine not going to the pool for long periods of time (hence the last 9 months), but then other times its like I would do anything to smell chlorine (haha..only swimmers would understand), to feel the water rushing past you as quickly as you allow it. Its incredible. I felt so consumed by peace, and that oh so familiar sense of being 'lost' in this world where nothing is around me but the splashing of rushing water, the sounds of echoing from the other swimmers and lifeguards, its awesome. The only downside is that I am out of shape - its sad. I wish I could snap my fingers and be back at my speed before, but I know that will never happen, but its fun to just be in the water again and swim for fun. Its frustrating to try to do what I used to do and it doesn't come...ahhh...oh well, its something all us ex-swimmers experience :) I enjoyed having my own lane and seeing the older men swimming next to me with their funny strokes that sometimes I wonder how they stay afloat! But I have such a high respect for them coming to the pool still and keeping it up :)

I feel content. Not overly enthusiastic, but my heart is settling...I am trying to learn what it means to be content. Often I feel this anxiousness inside of me, this yearning for something - and it's the most frustrating thing when I can't figure out WHY I am feeling that way...often its because I need my space - my introverted side comes out - some quiet time to think, and through that time of silence I often feel rejuvenated. I went through years of thinking that in order to be noticed or accepted, I needed to be that loud, super talkative person...but its only been the last couple years where I've come to be okay with who I am even if I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin or with who I am. I want to learn to feel content even through struggle, and to allow love in - maybe through my friends, my parents, my sisters - even when I don't feel like showing my weakness. How would we all get through life without eachother? We need eachother! Oh, how I am so thankful for community!!
Today I stepped in the bus and was greeted with a huge smile from the bus driver - an older man with an awesome white beard and the jolly look of Santa Clause. He greeted me with such warmth, it was somewhat shocking (having seen many bus drivers that don't have that much enthusiasm) to me and he mentioned what a beautiful day it is today and asked me how I am doing. I had a perma-smile on my face from this greeting :) It made me feel so welcomed and made me wish that we could all greet strangers that warmly - not knowing if maybe they are having a horrible day and that one smile could lift them up if only for a few moments. So, that made me happy! I wish we could not be shy, or scared of what others think of us when we want to do something nice for someone else...why do I hesitate? Why do I get nervous when I see an opportunity to help someone - as if it would be a horribly hard and embarrasing thing to do! Wow, totally an oximoron effect, that doesn't make sense at all...maybe I just have to me more assertive...or realize that if I stop too long before taking action, the opportunity is gone before I know it.
These are alot of random thoughts piled all down here...I hope it made sense.
To whoever reads this, I hope you have a wonderful day!

I am not much of a writer...maybe not as good as Jennie or anything, haha...but I will do my best at articulating my thoughts and being able to successfully jot them down here in a way that makes sense to whoever chooses to read these...

Today I learned in class about the realities of the carrying capacity of the world to how many people it can hold. Its scary what is happening to our planet and shocking to hear the stats and results of research about countries all over the world which are doubling or tripling their number of people in as few as 30 years. Pictures of poverty are the first that come to my mind when we are talking about millions of people living in just one city...the guy sitting next to me had his textbook open and I saw a picture that brought me almost to tears. It was of a famine in the 1970s that devastated much of Africa, and in the picture a sister and brother lay almost naked on the sidewalk, looking more like skeletons than human beings. They looked vacently at the camera, no expression or emotion whatsoever...as if they have given up all hope that someone might help them. All they needed was food. They probably died. I (and all of us) have seen this same type of picture before, probably more than we even know. Often, my first reaction is to look away and I am ashamed of this. I feel like most of the time, I am scared to feel what that picture may make me feel - overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at the thousands, even millions of children just like those two are out there right now. RIGHT NOW! I lost track of what the prof was saying for a minute because I was outraged at how this has happened. How do we go on living our comfortable, cushy lives here and only once in a while take a minute to think of those who have gone days without eating, only to often shrug our shoulders - thinking its too big an issue for me to make an impact - and distract ourselves so we don't have to dwell on it any longer. What can I DO???
And the other day, I overheard a conversation between two people on the bus about how disgusting their cafeteria food is. As they went on and on about how they'd rather starve than eat that horrible pizza, I grew more and more agitated. I had to bite my tongue many times, fearing that something may just pop out that I might regret later. With their ipod's and cellphones in hand, and designer jeans on, they walked off the bus and I was left sitting there disgusted. Disgusted at our society and our richness. Yes, I am a poor university student, but compared to most of the world, I am rich. I should remember that....often...and not turn away when I feel uncomfortable. Maybe I should welcome it, embrace it, and in that time realize that I am experiencing just a tiny fraction of what that brother and sister in the picture must feel (or did feel) each and every day.

My first blog!!

Jennie just got me into this whole blog thing...haha...I've known it would happen for a while, and finally we've done it! :) Just one more thing that I can do when I feel like procrastinating! I should be in bed by now, i don't really know why I am still up since I have to get up early tomorrow morning...