"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O God my Father. Give light to my darkness, before they see me fall..." Psalm 13
I wonder if these may be words that Brad thought before he took his life on Sunday night. We all hear news stories on tv, or read it in the paper about some horrible tragedy that happened. It suddenly becomes different when you find out that it was someone you knew. All I heard on Sunday afternoon was that 'someone' from Prov commited suicide...someone? It could be anyone, and as I've learned from past situations, it is often a person you'd least expect. It shocked me to hear that it had been Brad Toews. It shocked me because he WAS one that I would least expect this to happen to. He seemed so put together...so funny, outgoing, extraverted, and had lots of friends. What happened that inside he was broken down to the point of taking his own life? Its sad that in such a 'close' community like Prov (meaning people live close in proximity to eachother) it seems like it is often a place where I know many people feel very lonely...yet, you walk around and outwardly everyone looks so put together...so happy. This happens everywhere - feeling alone amidst hundreds of people. Are we scared to be truly vulnerable with one another? I think so...it's hard...it's hard to admit that you are broken if it seems like you are the only one. No one can ever assume anything about someone else - whether they are happy or sad, or content with life - because we NEVER really know. We don't know what is going on inside a person's head, and we have no idea what they think when they are alone. Why is it that so many of us put up this front that we are so confident when we know that we are not. Why is it so hard to let the walls come down? How come everyone one is so shocked that it was Brad? Probably it is because he seemed fine...well, maybe this is a wake up call that not everyone is as they appear to be. Did it take a situation like this to happen for us to wake up and change? Will anything change? For Brad's sake - and for others like Brad out there right now - I really hope so. There are no words to say about how sad this situation is. God, be with his parents, his sibilings, his friends...