I feel content. Not overly enthusiastic, but my heart is settling...I am trying to learn what it means to be content. Often I feel this anxiousness inside of me, this yearning for something - and it's the most frustrating thing when I can't figure out WHY I am feeling that way...often its because I need my space - my introverted side comes out - some quiet time to think, and through that time of silence I often feel rejuvenated. I went through years of thinking that in order to be noticed or accepted, I needed to be that loud, super talkative person...but its only been the last couple years where I've come to be okay with who I am even if I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin or with who I am. I want to learn to feel content even through struggle, and to allow love in - maybe through my friends, my parents, my sisters - even when I don't feel like showing my weakness. How would we all get through life without eachother? We need eachother! Oh, how I am so thankful for community!!
Today I stepped in the bus and was greeted with a huge smile from the bus driver - an older man with an awesome white beard and the jolly look of Santa Clause. He greeted me with such warmth, it was somewhat shocking (having seen many bus drivers that don't have that much enthusiasm) to me and he mentioned what a beautiful day it is today and asked me how I am doing. I had a perma-smile on my face from this greeting :) It made me feel so welcomed and made me wish that we could all greet strangers that warmly - not knowing if maybe they are having a horrible day and that one smile could lift them up if only for a few moments. So, that made me happy! I wish we could not be shy, or scared of what others think of us when we want to do something nice for someone else...why do I hesitate? Why do I get nervous when I see an opportunity to help someone - as if it would be a horribly hard and embarrasing thing to do! Wow, totally an oximoron effect, that doesn't make sense at all...maybe I just have to me more assertive...or realize that if I stop too long before taking action, the opportunity is gone before I know it.
These are alot of random thoughts piled all down here...I hope it made sense.
To whoever reads this, I hope you have a wonderful day!